• Executive presence

  • Master of success

  • public speaking

  • communications

  • Social media

  • Persuasion

  • Branding advertising storytelling

  • Business writing

💡 Influence by Robert Ciadini

In ethology, there are studies of animals who voluntarily respond to triggers even the circumstances may not be unfavorable (eg. predator luring prey). This also apply to human beings; we are not logical as we think we are.

Jiu-jitsu - use the power of others to your advantage .

Humans are more agreeable / comply / attracted to

  • Expensive = quality

  • Discount / savings

  • Give a reason to your request

  1. Reciprocity : you scratch your back, I scratch yours

    • Rejection then retreat: make larger request that will be refused then offer a smaller 2nd request as a concession. This larger request can be monetary, commitment based(time).

  2. Consistency - we will do the illogical just to uphold our values and virtues

    • understocked toy store > alternative expensive toy > not to disappoint children's wishes

  3. Social proof - we are searching for social evidence to behave in unfamiliar situations

    • If people can do it / are doing it so I should do the same

    • Application in media: celebrity endorsement, "real people" commercials,

  4. Likability

    • Attractiveness does affects people's judgement even though they would say otherwise

    • "I like you" greeting cards to customers generate likability

    • Application in media: attractive woman in car commercial

  5. Authority - deep seated answer to authority

    • Obedience to authority is often rewarding ; it's easy to default to automatic mechanical obedience > we do not have to think therefore we don't > subordinates stop thinking and start reacting to an order. Medication errors are evident of this situation where nurses do not question doctor's prescription

    • Authority-enhancer

      • Titles

      • Size / height = power/ status . eg. animals' size enhancing exhibitions

      • Clothing / uniforms / business suits eg. Bank Examiner Scheme

    • Arguing against their best interests > you think they are on your side

    • Examples in media: dental commercials , "Catch me if you can", spam emails,

  6. Scarcity

    • Limited edition / exclusivity / Stating loss instead of gain / preciousness

    • Convenience determines value eg. vending machine, spotify

    • the joy is not in the experience of a scarce commodity but possessing it

      • Counter: why would we want the item of consideration > Function over possession

  7. Final notes

    • We responds to "chip chip" triggers

    • We are giving cues to people to lead our desired outcome

 🧠 Psychology of selling by Brian Tracy


Skip to chapter 3 if you want to focus on the selling part; the first 2 chapters cover more about self-improvement and goal-setting.

  1. Approaching selling

    • Focus on the 20% that allows you to earn 80% or do the things 20% that people do not do.

    • Specialize /have a unique selling point

      1. Apple selling propertiary software

    • Best foot forward; often something that only your company can do

  2. Priming

    • Security is a fundamental human need

    • It is not so much about the product but rather the feelings it brings to the customers.

    • All buying decisions are emotional

    • Make your prospect go "Really how do you do that?"

  3. Communication

    • Communicate in a way that fulfill what the customers want not what you are selling - so what?

    • Freudian slip - if you let a person speak freely, he or she will reveal what they are thinking about deeply

    • Listening

      • Allow for silence in the conversatio to show that you are processing what the prospect has said

      • Selling take place in the words but buying takes place in the silence

    • Questions

      • "How do you mean?" invites elaboration into a problem

      • Ascending close - making the clients say yes several times builds a momentum for compliance

  4. Chapter 7: types of buyers

    1. Apathetic

    2. Know-it-all

    3. Mutual

🥋 Verbal Judo

Let people think they win or it's their idea.redirect instead push; powerful warriors are ones that do not engage in the battle


  • Verbal abuse is the worst abuse because it puts people down. Words cut deeper and break the hearts. We are not trained to speak properly. People are easily hurt by language.

  • It's not what you say, it's how you deliver it

  • Treating people with respect, communicating for voluntary compliance

  • Empathy means to see through the yes of others; it absorbs tension, people wants to be listened.

  • We can be trained to effectively respond to people, reduce inflection...

  • Talk less, deflect and ask questions

  • Focus on behaviors, let people talk, respect means to give back the original condition. treat people the same way you want to be treated.

  • Raise people expectation so they will do what they should do


  • "I appreciate that ..."

  • "I understand that but ...."

  • "oh yes..."

  • "I hear you sir but...."


Rephrase / Response

It's none of your business

It is my business and here is why

What do you want me to do about it

Apologize, "I do not know what to suggest

I want you to listen to me and help me

Calm down

this command upsets people; say it's going to be alright, talk to me, what's the trouble

What's your problem

What's the matter, how can I help,

Not a problem, it's just something I need to discuss, can we talk?

You never / always...

Explain the why

Is that the real issue? Or are you upset about something else

Not going to to say this again

It is important that you understand this so let me say this again, and please listen carefully.

For your own good

*Offer benefits / reasons / concrete examples


Reassure people of their position

Slow down, I see the problem different than you do


  • Your word with his meaning, it means you want to understand. You do not even have to be right, because people will correct you

  • The key is to ask people what they just said; don't rely on people to say what mean hence paraphrase

  • Sword of insertion: wait a second, let me be sure what you just said,


  1. Painting a picture of mutual benefit / unideal situation in people's mind: Dealing with a drunk who wants to pick a fight. The author gave the person two scenarios, be arrested for misdemeanor , or pick a fight which is a felony resulting in jail and loss of job and possibly a partner

  2. Positioning yourself for compliance: stopping people speeding. "May I see your driver license" > "Good evening, I am officer.... , the reason I stop for you because I have notice you have driving at 45mph for 4 blocks in 20 zone; is there a reason for excessive speed for this evening? If not, i would need to see your license". This strips the person of any verbal "weapons"

  3. Seeing the problem as people do: Man who is attempting to murder his son thinking he is cursed. Let the assailant know about a priest who can exorcise the demons so you can save his precious child and not let his ex-wife win.


  • Bury the ego, the goal is not to win but to strengthen the relationship

  • Make people feel heard via pace pitch modulation tone

  • The key lie in the depth of sincerity

Frustrated partner

  1. Paraphrase - you are saying you are angry with me because I.....

  2. Paraphrase again

  3. Question: what did I do specifically to make you feel

  4. "I love you, and I don't want to make you mad and i certainly don't want to.... I'm sorry, forgive me, can you teach me how I can do this better because I am serious about this.

Avoid saying these

  • Why didn't you tell me > "I"m sorry, I was not aware of how my actions have hurt you or how I have been neglecting you. Can you please share with me what you are feeling right now?

  • How am I suppose to know?

LEAPS- Listen empathize ask paraphrase summary

Reasonable appeal — Never use it when people are upset

  • People are not logical when under duress.

  • First calm people, then try logic. Under pressure, common sense is the most uncommon commodity

  • Ask - who what when where how


  • Offer praise but follow with criticism afterwards

  • Criticize first, then leave them with praise

  • How do you make it sincere? Make it as specific as possible

  • Raising expectations through praise rather than through criticism

Punishing without drawing blood

  • Punish effectively; never mix emotions and punishments

  • Suggest the punishment / ultimatum , paint a picture in their head

  • If you have to punish someone,

    • "I want to discuss with you tomorrow on what we are going to do about it" this would give yourself time and space to calmly think about the situation and award the correct punishment

  • When anger overwhelms you, communicate and seek for a timeout instead of addressing the situation immediately with volatile emotions

  • Why do we need to put people down when we are upset and angry?


  1. Impartiality

  2. Treat people how you want to be treated

  3. Reasonable vs severe resistance

  4. Always check your assumptions and expectations

  5. respond to people but never react ; responding means being in control

  6. emphasize the positive; it's unexpected

  7. the less ego you show, the more power you have over others

  8. to ask is a form of respect; to tell is a form of disrespect